📰 CEHL All-Star Game Recap

Featuring CEHL cash prizes, and genuine fear of caring too much

Montreal, QC — The CEHL All-Star Game concluded with the Eastern Conference reminding everyone that scoring goals is more fun than preventing them. The final score was 7–3, which feels generous considering the West spent most of the game trying to remember how line changes work.

Fans were treated to dazzling goals, questionable effort, and a goalie performance that can best be described as “emotionally unavailable.” The East dominated from start to finish, with Pastrnak, Nylander, and MacKinnon leading the charge, while the West responded with a mix of confusion, existential dread, and one goal celebration that lasted longer than their offensive zone time.

🧊 CEHL All-Star Game 

Final Score: East 7 – West 3
Shots: West 25, East 21
Power Plays: 0 for 0 (because penalties are for regular people)

Box Score: canadianelitehockeyleague.ca/transfer/asgs36.html

🎙️ First Period

05:57 – Ovechkin opens the scoring
Ovi finds the net early, assisted by Tkachuk and Morrissey. Tkachuk chirps the West bench mid-pass, Morrissey looks surprised to be involved. Ovechkin celebrates like he’s done this 800 times before — because he has.

17:36 – Pastrnak makes it 2–0
Pastrnak snipes one top shelf after Nylander and MacKinnon play a game of “who can avoid the slot longest.” Pastrnak wins. Oettinger stares into the distance, contemplating his contract.

Commentary Note:
West fires 11 shots, most of which Shesterkin stops while checking his phone. Crosby logs 23 minutes and 2 hits, which is impressive considering he was mostly explaining the concept of “defensive structure” to his linemates.

🎙️ Second Period

02:49 – Boeser gets West on the board
Thomas and Dobson set him up. Boeser scores and celebrates like he just broke a 20-game drought. The East bench yawns.

06:00 – Pastrnak again
MacKinnon and Fox assist. Pastrnak now leads the league in goals scored while mid-fall. He may be defying gravity.

09:35 – Hedman joins the party
Hedman scores after Kucherov and Makar play keep-away for 30 seconds. Ullmark enters the game and immediately regrets his life choices.

10:14 – Panarin scores
Makar and Hedman assist. Panarin celebrates by skating directly to the bench and asking for a croissant. The West defense is now officially sponsored by Swiss cheese.

Commentary Note:
Letang gets injured at 13:34, possibly from watching the replay of Hedman’s goal. West’s defensive zone coverage is now being studied by escape room designers.

🎙️ Third Period

05:40 – Draisaitl scores
Assisted by DeBrincat and Heiskanen. Draisaitl scores while standing still. Again. He may be the league’s most efficient statue.

06:44 – Matthews responds
Tkachuk and Makar assist. Matthews scores and immediately begins calculating his shooting percentage. Tkachuk is now up to three assists and one verbal altercation.

11:23 – Nylander adds another
MacKinnon and Tkachuk assist. Nylander skates like he’s late for brunch. The West defense is still trying to figure out who’s supposed to be covering whom.

16:41 – DeBrincat scores
Assisted by Draisaitl and Dobson. DeBrincat celebrates by pretending to be tall. West closes the gap to 7–3, which is technically “closer.”

Commentary Note:
Shesterkin finishes with 22 saves and one existential crisis. East casually pads their lead while debating dinner plans.

💰 CEHL Cash Prizes

🏆 1. Most Stylish Goal – \$1M
Winner: David Pastrnak
Two goals, both scored with flair and minimal regard for physics. May have been horizontal during one.

🏆 2. Best Passive Playmaker – \$750K
Winner: Nathan MacKinnon
Three assists, zero sweat. Played like he had a dinner reservation.

🏆 3. Most Pointless Effort – \$500K
Winner: Sidney Crosby
23 minutes, 2 hits, 0 points. Played like he was teaching a clinic.

🏆 4. Best Invisible Performance – \$500K
Winner: Ryan O’Reilly
Zeroes across the board. May have been a cardboard cutout.

🏆 5. Most Confusing Shift – \$250K
Winner: JT Miller
One shot, four minutes, no idea what happened. Possibly wandered onto the ice by accident.

🏆 6. Best Goal Celebration for a Meaningless Goal – \$250K
Winner: Brock Boeser
Scored early, celebrated like he won a playoff series. He did not.

💬 CEHL Fan Commentary Thread

Posted on CEHL Discord, immediately after the final buzzer. Moderation was asleep.

@EastIsBeast:

Pastrnak scores twice and still looks like he’s waiting for his Uber. Iconic.

@McDavidZoomies:

McDavid didn’t score but skated so fast he caused a breeze in section 112. My nachos flew off the tray.

@GoalieUnion:

Shesterkin made 22 saves and didn’t even flinch. Oettinger blinked and gave up three. Coincidence?

@WestSideWoes:

West got outplayed, outskated, and out-chirped. At least we won the therapy session.

@PastraSnacc:

Pastrnak’s shot has more personality than half the league. He could score blindfolded and still look bored.

@AnalyticsNerd88:

Crosby had 23 minutes and 2 hits. That’s a TED Talk, not a stat line.

@TradeMillerNow:

JT Miller’s shift was performance art. I think he was making a statement about existential dread.

@LetangFanForever:

Letang got injured watching the game. That’s dedication. Or a cry for help.

@FanOfChaos:

Tkachuk assisted three goals and started two arguments. That’s leadership.

@NeutralObserver:

I came for the skill. I stayed for the confusion. I left with emotional damage.

@BoeserBeliever:

Boeser scored and celebrated like he won the Cup. He didn’t. But I respect the delusion.

@EastBenchMob:

Nylander skated like he was late for brunch. Still scored. Still pretty. Still better than your favorite player.

@WestDefenseMissing:

Can someone check if the West defense ever made it to the arena? Asking for a goalie.

@FanWhoPaidTooMuch:

I paid $200 to watch Shesterkin play goalie and JT Miller yell at the air. Worth it.

CEHL All-Star Skills Competition Recap

Featuring skill competitions, CEHL cash prizes, and a game where defense is mostly theoretical.

Before the East and West squared off in a goal-fest where backchecking was treated like a myth, the league’s finest (and a few who just showed up) took part in the CEHL Skills Competition. The results were surprising, mildly impressive, and occasionally confusing.

Stay tuned for a recap, and player and fan reactions!

Here’s how it all went down:

1. Fastest Skater – \$250K

Winner: Lucas Raymond (East)
Raymond clocked the fastest lap, mostly because he’s been practicing breakaways for months while cherry-picking. McDavid finished second, but was penalized for skating so fast he lapped the camera crew.

2. Accuracy Shooting – \$250K

Winner: Ryan O’Reilly (West)
O’Reilly hit all four targets in five shots, then quietly asked if this meant he could go home. Matthews missed three and blamed the lighting. Pastrnak tried to hit the targets while spinning. He did not succeed.

3. Hardest Shot – \$250K

Winner: Seth Jones (West)
Jones fired a puck so hard it broke the radar gun and dented the boards. Hedman looked unimpressed. Stamkos opted out, citing “emotional fatigue.”

4. Goalie Gauntlet – \$250K

Winner: Dustin Wolf (East)
Wolf stopped 9 of 10 in the breakaway challenge, including a glove save while mid-conversation with the ref. Shesterkin tried poke-checking everyone at the blue line again. It didn’t work this time.

5. Puck Control Relay – \$250K

Winner: Torey Krug (West)
Krug weaved through cones like he was dodging trade rumors. Cale Makar tripped over a cone, blamed the ice, and skated off. Quinn Hughes completed the course backwards, but forgot to bring the puck.

6. Passing Precision – \$250K

Winner: Josh Morrissey (East)
Morrissey nailed every target with surgical precision, then looked surprised it was a competition. Roman Josi missed three and blamed the puck’s “vibe.” Crosby passed perfectly but refused to participate in the post-event interview.

7. One-on-One Challenge – \$250K

Winner: Arthur Kaliyev (West)
Kaliyev deked through three defenders and scored with a slapshot from five feet out. Tkachuk tried to fight him mid-challenge. The judges awarded bonus points for chaos.

8. Breakaway Creativity – \$250K

Winner: JT Miller (East)
Miller skated in, faked a shot, dropped his stick, and scored with his skate blade. It was unclear if it was legal, but the judges were too confused to care. Nylander attempted a triple deke and fell. Ovechkin tried a lacrosse move, then asked for a beer.

Total CEHL Cash Prizes Awarded: \$2M

CEHL All-Star Skills Competition: Player Interviews

Lucas Raymond – Fastest Skater Winner

“Honestly, I just ran away from responsibility. Turns out that’s fast.”

Ryan O’Reilly – Accuracy Shooting Winner

“I hit the targets because I thought they were snacks. Turns out they weren’t, but I still got paid.”

Seth Jones – Hardest Shot Winner

“I wasn’t aiming. I was just angry.”

Dustin Wolf – Goalie Gauntlet Winner

“I stopped nine breakaways and still got chirped by Shesterkin for blinking too much.”

Torey Krug – Puck Control Relay Winner

“I’ve been dodging trade rumors for years. This was basically the same thing.”

Josh Morrissey – Passing Precision Winner

“I thought it was a warm-up drill. They handed me a check. I didn’t ask questions.”

Arthur Kaliyev – One-on-One Challenge Winner

“I just shot as hard as I could. If it missed, I was going to claim it was a pass.”

JT Miller – Breakaway Creativity Winner

“I dropped my stick, kicked the puck in, and yelled at the ref. Somehow that counted.”

CEHL Fan Reaction Thread

Posted on CEHL Discord, 3 minutes after the Skills Comp ended

@HockeyDad420:

Lucas Raymond winning fastest skater is proof that cherry-picking builds character.

@EastCoastBias:

JT Miller scoring with his skate blade is the most JT Miller thing ever.

@GoalieUnion:

Dustin Wolf deserves a raise. Or at least a hug. That kid’s carrying the goalie reputation on his back.

@TradeKrugNow:

Torey Krug winning puck control is a conspiracy. I demand a cone recount.

@PastraSnacc:

Pastrnak didn’t win anything? He must’ve been too busy designing his next outfit.

@AnalyticsNerd88:

Ryan O’Reilly’s shooting percentage in the skills comp was higher than his season average. Just saying.

@WestSideWoes:

West got smoked again. Can we trade conferences?

@MakarFanClub:

Makar tripped over a cone. I’m not mad, just disappointed.

@LetangFanForever:

Letang got injured watching the skills comp. That’s dedication.

🧊 CEHL All-Star Weekend: A Celebration of Mild Effort and Maximum Ego

The CEHL All-Star Weekend has arrived, which means it’s time for the league’s finest to take a break from pretending to backcheck and instead show off in front of their peers. There will be cash prizes (CEHL money, not actual money — calm down), a skills competition that may or may not be taken seriously, and of course, the All-Star Game, where defense is optional and chirping is mandatory.

Let’s take a look at the rosters — because apparently, everyone needs their moment.

ASG will take place later on Thursday so stay tuned!
 

🏒 Eastern Conference: The Flashy Division

Centers

• Connor McDavid – Fast enough to skate past your entire team before you finish reading this.
• Nathan MacKinnon – Plays like he’s angry at the ice.
• Auston Matthews – Shoots like he’s allergic to passing.
• JT Miller – Brings the vibes and occasional rage.
• Nico Hischier – Quietly good, which is perfect for an All-Star game.

Right Wings

• Nikita Kucherov – Doesn’t smile, just scores.
• David Pastrnak – Probably wearing something loud.
• Matthew Tkachuk – Will annoy everyone, including his own teammates.
• Steven Stamkos – Still here, still scoring.
• Mark Stone – Defensive forward in an offensive showcase. Bold choice.

Left Wings

• Artemi Panarin – Will try something weird and it’ll probably work.
• William Nylander – Smooth as silk, allergic to corners.
• Alex Ovechkin – Might shoot from the parking lot.
• Kyle Connor – Sneaky good, like a coupon you forgot you had.
• Lucas Raymond – Young, fast, and probably confused by all the compliments.

Defensemen

• Cale Makar – Could play forward, but chooses to make other defensemen look bad.
• Quinn Hughes – Will skate circles around everyone, including the referees.
• Victor Hedman – Tall, calm, and probably bored.
• Josh Morrissey – Deserves more attention, will get none.
• Roman Josi – Stylish on and off the ice.
• Adam Fox – Smart enough to avoid the chaos.

Goalies

• Igor Shesterkin – Will make ten saves and still get blamed for the one goal.
• Dustin Wolf – Young goalie, old soul, questionable life choices (like agreeing to play in this).

🏒 Western Conference: The Gritty Glam Squad

Centers

• Robert Thomas – Good at everything, famous for nothing.
• Mikko Rantanen – Big guy, soft hands, confusing combo.
• Sidney Crosby – Still elite, still pretending this game matters.
• Leon Draisaitl – Will score three goals and act like it was a warm-up.
• Ryan O'Reilly – Faceoff wizard, probably wins the post-game interview too.

Right Wings

• Martin Necas – Fast enough to be gone before you notice.
• Brock Boeser – Shoots like he means it.
• Jordan Kyrou – Will try something fancy and blame the ice.
• Alex DeBrincat – Small but deadly.
• Arthur Kaliyev – Shot so hard it might break the scoreboard.

Left Wings

• Kirill Kaprizov – Will do something ridiculous and act like it’s normal.
• Filip Forsberg – Smooth operator, probably forgot it’s an All-Star game.
• Jack Hughes – Yes, he’s in the West now. Don’t ask.
• Brandon Hagel – Brings hustle to a game that doesn’t require it.
• Jonathan Huberdeau – Still trying to figure out what happened last season.

Defensemen

• Zach Werenski – Solid, dependable, mildly interesting.
• Seth Jones – Big minutes, bigger expectations.
• Miro Heiskanen – Will quietly dominate.
• Charlie McAvoy – Physical presence in a game with zero hitting.
• Noah Dobson – Young, talented, and probably wondering how he got here.
• Kristopher Letang – Veteran presence, still skating like he’s 25.
• Torey Krug – Power play specialist, which is great because there won’t be any.

Goalies

• Jake Oettinger – Calm, cool, and probably regretting this.
• Linus Ullmark – Might try to score a goal just to stay awake.

🎯 Skills Competition: Where Effort Goes to Die

Expect a mix of genuine talent and half-hearted attempts at glory. Fastest skater, hardest shot, accuracy shooting — all the usual suspects. Winners will receive CEHL cash prizes, which are almost as valuable as compliments from your GM.

🏆 All-Star Game: Defense Optional

It’s East vs. West in a game that will feature 20 goals, 3 fights (probably started by Tkachuk), and 0 blocked shots. Expect highlight-reel plays, questionable line changes, and at least one goalie meltdown.

Let the chaos begin.

The ballots are in!
Season 35 might feel like a distant memory, but let’s take a moment to celebrate the highlights and honor our award winners. Congrats to all — and let’s remember the good times!

Award Winners:

• 🧱 Vezina Trophy – Alex Georgiev (CHI) – $2M
• 🛡️ Norris Trophy – Roman Josi (CAR) – $2M
• 💪 Hard-Nosed Defenseman – MacKenzie Weegar (LA) – $1.5M
• 🕊️ Lady Byng Trophy – Jesper Bratt (CAR) – $1.5M
• 🧠 Selke Trophy – Jack Eichel (CAR) – $1.5M

• 🔮 Most Likely Playoff Team to Miss Next Season – (NJ / ANA / CHI) – $250K each

  I guess a lot of you were feeling bold… but hey, that’s part of the fun.

• 🌟 Calder Trophy – Logan Cooley (DAL) – $1.5M
• 🥊 Gordie Howe Trophy – Tom Wilson (PHO) – $1.5M
• 🧠 GM of the Year – Brent (SJ) – $1.5M
• 🔄 Best Trade – (PHO / MIN) – $500K each

Also… while I do like Chad and think he’s a great guy… he’s not that great. C’mon people — let’s spread the love next time!

 CEHL Midseason Update: Awards, All-Stars & Claim Game Chaos

Hey CEHL GMs,

The midseason break is here… and let’s be honest — no one’s happy about it.
The chirps have gone quiet, the trade talks are on ice, and even the Zamboni seems depressed.

But fear not! We’ve got a few things to keep the CEHL spirit alive:

Better Late Than Never Awards

Yes, they’re late. Yes, we’re sorry.
But they’re here — and they’re glorious.
Huge thanks to Andy and Shawn for putting this together and reminding us that greatness doesn’t always arrive on time.

Deadline: Monday, Sept 29th @ 9PM EST
Ballot Link: Awards Ballot

All-Star Ballots: Fill 'Em or Get Fined

It’s that time again — All-Star Ballots are live!
Every GM must fill one out, or face the wrath of the CEHL fine gods.
Deadline: Sunday, Sept 28 @ 9PM EST
Ballot Link: All Star Ballot

Don’t be that GM. Click the link. Make your picks. Avoid the fine.

 Claim Game Incoming

The Claim Window opens:
🗓 Friday, Sept 26 @ 9PM EST

Same rules as last year, with one key change:

Tied bids? The player will be created immediately with the offered salary. No waiting, no drama.

 Player Claim Criteria

To be eligible for claiming, a player must meet all of the following:

• ✅22 years of age or older
• ✅Not on any CEHL team
• ✅Unassigned

There’s no official list, so here’s how to verify if a player exists in CEHL:

1. Go to the Player Search on the CEHL site
2. Set the Type Filter to All Types — this includes: 
   • Rosters
   • Unassigned players
   • Prospect lists

 Reminder: Players get dropped or missed all the time — so dig deep, scout smart, and bring your A-game to the claim window!

That’s all for now. Stay sharp, stay salty, and may your claims be uncontested.

– CEHL Commish Team

What Do We Actually Know About CEHL Season 35?
By Rick Graves | Toronto Ledger
Midseason Analysis – No Fluff, Just Facts

We’re 42 games deep in the CEHL regular season — the board is half full, the trades are cooling, and the pretenders are starting to smell like what they are. At this point, we stop asking "what if?" and start asking "what’s real?" And if you know how to read the standings like I read my stock portfolio — eyes sharp, heart cold — you’ll start seeing the answers laid out plain.

So let’s get into it: what do we actually know about CEHL Season 35?

🔵 Eastern Conference: Toronto Is The Market Leader

Let’s not dance around it: Toronto is the blue-chip stock in the East.

• 27-12-3, 57 points, top of the conference, +42 goal differential.
• They’re on an 8-1-1 heater in their last 10.
• That’s not noise, that’s signal.

Hertl, Nylander, and Stamkos are all clicking at a 40+ point pace, and Igor Shesterkin is delivering reliable, high-efficiency netminding (.914 SV%, 2.28 GAA). Add in Philipp Grubauer as a decent backup cushion — it’s a recipe for postseason confidence.

Buy: Toronto to win the East. The smart money is here.

🔴 The Eastern Mess Below

Now, let’s look at the clutter under the skyscraper. Buffalo, Philly, Ottawa, Washington, Carolina, Tampa Bay — all jammed in the 46–50 point range. This is the tech sector of CEHL: volatile, flashy, and hard to trust.

Buffalo looks promising on the surface:

• JT Miller and Nico Hischier are both rolling with 40+ points.
• But Stuart Skinner's save percentage? .892. That’s barely treading water.
• Sell: Buffalo to win the East. They’ll make noise, but playoff markets demand reliable goaltending, not wishful thinking.

Philly, on the other hand, is a little more tempting.

• Lindholm and Pastrnak? Quietly devastating. Combined 86 points and +35.
• Logan Thompson? A bit leaky, but he’s played every game, so they trust him.
• Buy: Philly as a dark horse to win a playoff series. They're built for a grind.

Ottawa and Washington? Both shaky despite their records. Nathan MacKinnon’s production (44 points) is solid, but he’s dragging a team that barely scrapes a +6 differential.

Carolina’s got Panarin and Ilya Sorokin, which keeps them relevant, but they can’t string together momentum. Tampa’s falling off a cliff — 5 straight losses and the worst goal differential of the playoff teams.

Gamble pick: Carolina to upset in Round 1 — if Sorokin gets hot, the math changes.

⚫ Western Conference: Sharks, Dogs, and Oil

Over in the West, San Jose and Phoenix are neck-and-neck with 58 and 57 points respectively. Both are serious contenders — call them the TSX/NYSE duopoly of the CEHL.

San Jose

• Crosby: 22G, 39P. Clutch scoring and leadership.
• Goaltending duo of DeSmith (.934) and Bobrovsky (.912) is the best in the league, period.
• They’re not just winning, they’re controlling risk.

Phoenix

• Leon Draisaitl and Mats Zuccarello are chewing through matchups.
• Linus Ullmark (2.24 GAA, .910 SV%) is your reliable dividend stock.
• They’ve also got the best goal differential in the league at +48.

Buy: San Jose or Phoenix to win the West. Flip a coin — either way, you're likely in the green.

Minnesota is your balanced ETF:

• Necas, Robert Thomas, Kaprizov — all over 40 points.
• Markstrom and Merzlikins splitting time efficiently.
• But they’re cooling off: 4-6-0 in last 10.

Calgary and St. Louis — both at 52 points — are stable options. Nothing flashy, but dependable.

• Jake Oettinger for Calgary is rock solid (2.27 GAA, .919 SV%).
• St. Louis has Forsberg, Rantanen, and Ryan O’Reilly leading a deep forward group, plus Kochetkov in net (.918).

Buy: St. Louis to make the conference final. They’re undervalued and trending up.

📈 Best Bets (Based on Cold Math and Hard Play)

🟢 Sure Things:

• Toronto to reach the Eastern Conference Final (-150 odds, worth it).
• San Jose or Phoenix to represent the West (parlay them with Toronto for strong value).
• Crosby Over 2.5 playoff GWGs — He’s already got 2, and he lives for clutch.

🔶 Long Shots Worth a Fiver:

• Philly to reach the Cup Final (+1000). Pastrnak and Lindholm can carry.
• St. Louis to win it all (+1200). Deep, experienced, and Kochetkov is quietly elite.
• Carolina to win a series (+300). Panarin + Sorokin is a sneaky good combo.

🔴 Don’t Touch:

• Tampa Bay futures — 5 straight losses, and their goalies are a question mark.
• Vegas bets — Thompson and Rittich are too shaky (.895 and .893 respectively).
• Buffalo Cup bets — Their save percentage is a playoff liability.

📉 Falling Stocks:

• Islanders: 3-7-0 in last 10, Tristan Jarry is fading.
• Columbus: Trocheck is producing, but their goalies aren’t stopping pucks.
• Detroit & Pittsburgh: Burn the tape. Tanking or just irrelevant.

Final Word

The CEHL midseason looks a lot like the market before a correction — lots of noise, lots of hype, but the smart money is already quietly settling into Toronto, San Jose, and Phoenix. There’s still time for a dark horse like Philly or St. Louis to spike, but the playoff picture is starting to take shape.

You want to bet like a fan? That’s fine.
But if you want to bet like an investor?
Keep your eyes on the goal differential, the save percentage, and who’s heating up when it counts.

See you in the playoffs.

— Rick Graves
Blunt. From Toronto.

Significant Seven

As we prepare to hit the halfway point of the season for the Ottawa Senators, there seems to be some magic surrounding the team. 

Currently, the Sens sit third in the Conference with a record of 21-14-3 which is good for 45 points, leaving them only 3 points out from the lead in the conference. Divisional wise, they are tied for second with the Buffalo Sabres who hold an identical record with the Senators. Only Toronto is better. And the difference, as pointed out above, is 3 points. 

This all comes on the heels of a 7 game winning streak for Ottawa. Prior to this extensive outburst of wins, the Sens were merely a .500 team on the outside looking in to a playoff seed. 

Yes, still very early in the season; however, the fans have much to be excited about. 

Although on paper this is a mediocre roster with no true, as the pundits would state, superstar there has been a team that is fueled by pure hockey components. It all starts in the defense end, and it all seemed to start to gel with the acquisition of Connor Murphy from Dallas just a couple of weeks prior. The savvy veteran who is known for his defensive and punishing style in manning the blueline, has stepped in and added a punch the team truly needed. 

Along with Murphy came young stud Trevor Zegras. Since joining the Sens, he has slotted in to a top six role playing solid second line minutes along with fellow youngster Simon Holmstrom who was also giving a second line slot with his dominant play as a bottom six forward earlier in the year. 

Understanding that there has not been an absolute onslaught of offense from the team, they still hold a +15 goal differential and have given a very stingy amount of goals where only 5 teams in the league have given up less.

It's a juicy situation, and the final piece to the acquisitions came with Juuse Saros. Disgruntled netminder Jeremy Swayman wanted out, and his play showed just that. So GM Anthony Curatolo made a statement. 

Although a rocky start after the big trade with Dallas was made, the team has come together and gelled nicely. And to add to the shining light upon Juuse, he is 7-0 over his last 7 starts. His Goals Against Average has dropped to a very respectful 2.63 and his save percentage has raised to an even 900. 

With all of that, the Sens are riding high and hot at this point of the season. Of course, there is much more ahead and we are all strapped in for the ride. Can this be a sign of things to come out of Ottawa this season? 
 

“You Can Never Step Into the Same Roster Twice” — The Chaotic Trade Ledger of GM Shawn Lawrence

By Rick Graves, Toronto Financial Hockey Post

There’s roster turnover, and then there’s whatever it is that GM Shawn Lawrence is doing in New Jersey. The Devils haven’t just been “active.” No, that term is too gentle. Over the course of Season 34 into 35 and into today’s snapshot, Lawrence has performed an exorcism on the roster he inherited and built. Players enter and exit so fast, the nameplates on lockers may as well be written in chalk.

Heraclitus once said, “You can never step into the same river twice.” Lawrence must have it chistled on his clipboard.

The real question for Devils fans and hockey investors alike is: Was any of this successful?
And to answer that, we have to look at it the way we would a financial portfolio — assets in, assets out, and what’s left holding the bag.

📊 TRADE ANALYSIS: NET FLOW OF ASSETS

Let’s break this down into basic math. Forget the fluff. Here’s what New Jersey gave up and what came back:

🔻 TRADED AWAY (Key Departures across Seasons 34–35 and offseason):

🎯 Skater Assets Out:

• Troy Terry (72 pts)
• Pavel Zacha (57 pts)
• Sam Bennett (47 pts)
• Brock Boeser (47 pts)
• Dougie Hamilton (48 pts)
• David Perron (50 pts)
• Tyler Bertuzzi
• Sean Monahan
• Jacob Trouba (47 pts)
• Morgan Rielly (48 pts)
• Warren Foegele
• William Carrier
• Nicklas Backstrom
• Conor Timmins
• Oliver Ekman-Larsson
• Tyler Johnson
• Igor Shesterkin (Starting goalie, .899 sv%)
• Michael Bunting
• Mattias Samuelsson
• Various Picks (including DAL 2nd 2024, NJ 3rd 2024, and more)

In total:

✔️ ~9 full-time NHL forwards
✔️ ~6 NHL-level defensemen
✔️ 1 elite goaltender
✔️ 14 picks (including 1st and 2nd rounders)

🔼 RECEIVED (Assets In):

🎯 Key Skaters In:

• Kirill Marchenko (54 pts)
• Matias Maccelli
• Yegor Sharangovich
• Blake Lizotte
• Aliaksei Protas
• Michael Carcone
• Josh Morrissey (64 pts)
• Rasmus Sandin (46 pts)
• John Ludvig
• Jacob Middleton
• Declan Chisholm
• Dylan Coghlan
• Justin Danforth

🧱 Prospects and Picks Acquired:

• DAL 1st 2024, 2025, 2027
• EDM 1st 2026, TOR 1st 2025, PHO 1st 2024, PIT 1st 2026
• Multiple 2nds and 3rds
• Dustin Wolf (Goaltending prospect)
• Cash: Approx. $18–20M in deals

In total:

✔️ ~9 new skaters (all middle-6 or bottom-6 quality)
✔️ 2-3 quality NHL defensemen
✔️ 7 First-Round Picks across 2024–2028
✔️ Cap space/cash and cost-controlled contracts
✔️ Goalie prospect Dustin Wolf (starter potential)

💰 THE STOCK EXCHANGE VIEW: GAIN OR LOSS?

Stock Outlook of New Jersey Devils’ Assets Over Time:

🧮 TOTAL TRADE BALANCE SHEET

📤 Total Assets Traded Away:

• ~1600+ combined NHL points
• Elite goaltending
• 10+ NHL-caliber roster players
• Veteran leadership, playoff experience
• Future picks (mid-tier)

📥 Total Assets Received:

• ~500+ points from incoming players
• Cost-controlled contracts
• 7 First-Round Picks
• Starting goalie prospect
• Salary cap flexibility
• Rebuild core pieces (Sandin, Marchenko, Wolf)

🔍 FINAL VERDICT: WAS IT SUCCESSFUL?

As a stock trader, I’d call this a liquidation of premium assets in exchange for long-term bonds and speculative tech stocks. You’re selling the blue-chips (Shesterkin, Boeser, Terry) while they’re still delivering returns and buying into potential (Wolf, picks, youth) that might deliver in 3–5 years.

It’s a high-risk play.

Shawn Lawrence absolutely gutted a competitive team to build a war chest of picks and cap space — which might pay off big. But today? This team is a mid-tier club with no elite goaltending and questionable depth behind McDavid.

It’s Heraclitus GMing: constant change, endless churn, and philosophical detachment from any version of "team identity."

So... was he successful?

🔻 In the short term: No. The Devils are worse today than they were at the end of Season 34.
🔼 In the long term: Maybe. If those picks hit, and Wolf is the real deal, and McDavid re-signs — this could be a rebuild masterclass.
❓ Right now: It’s a fascinating case study in asset rotation. But from where I sit in Toronto? It looks like Lawrence just sold the farm for stock options in 2030.

Final Score:

📉 Short-Term Grade: C-
📈 Long-Term Potential: A-
🧠 Strategic Clarity: B
💥 Entertainment Value: A+

Until next time — keep your chalkboards handy. In Jersey, names don't last long.

— Rick Graves, Toronto Financial Hockey Post

I'm posting this to remind Matt Kessel that he already shoots right.

I’m posting this for Shawn to remind Grant that he should consider opening up player finds and that Matt Kessel actually shoots right…